failed twice

I have failed twice to save my post and then I hit a wrong note and bummer it all went pear shaped and I lost all the words....so I am going to have another go, and on a different subject..

At first, I thought it was a hoax and not a nice one either when a notification from my cousin in New Zealand said that we had lost her brother, my cousin, a few days previously . He had been on Facebook for ages and it was comforting to know that he was happy in his marriage and step children and step grandchildren all loved him

 My oldest Uncle in my father's family had married his mother when she was a young girl of 19 and pregnant and in those days, a terrible thing to face in public- my uncle feeling sorry for her offered to marry her before the baby arrived and so we all attended the wedding. A few months later he was born, a little blonde blue eyed boy  .

Later, his five siblings joined him and he was the only blonde in the family Being young, I never knew the circumstances of his birth nor worried why he looked so different from his brothers and sisters.  That was how it was in those days, things were never discussed and besides we were all children and it was not our place to know anything.

Over the years after our Nana died, the family stopped gathering at the house on a sunday afternoon as we had during her life there, so we drifted off to cope with our own lives and somehow all the years in between meant that I had not met up with him since he was a child.

Now in his sixties we were all back in touch and it was fascinatingly good to know how well everyone had done and that he had recovered from his time of self harming and self medicating and was at last in a truly happy relationship.

 I was intending to go to meet up with him and his family, the wife that he had been married for over 20 years and to meet his family., but the week after Christmas we had the news that he had left us. 
He died in his sleep just before the New Year began and so hopefully he was not aware of pain or suffering at the end. I am sure it was a terrible shock for his wife to discover him like that, but maybe its the best way to go after all....

We all know in our hearts that one day we shall suffer the same fate, but as humans we do not discuss it too much do we - Now I am into my seventh decade, I really do feel the touch of mortality more and more, and when events like this happen, it feels a lot closer and more worryingly near** 

I had hoped to attend his funeral, but it is being held on a Wednesday, the one day in the week that I cannot attend as I have to babysit the grandsons of John on a Wednesday afternoon each week, and as we only have one car, cannot go, as John could not look after the boys and I certainly would never be back in time for him to go to them.

So I have missed out again in meeting up with members of my scattered family and to speak to my aunt who is still alive in her nineties and managing to cope as well as she can at this time.....

. I like to send a living plant or bush to plant in the garden as a living reminder of that person, rather than sending a wreath or money , so I feel like I failed twice in not keeping in touch, not that anyone would feel like blaming me, as we have all been busy in our lives, and they too did not make the effort to keep in touch with me, but as the eldest girl in the family, maybe I should have done a little bit more to hold it all together.

 When Nana was alive, we went without fail to the house every Sunday afternoon for the adults to chat and the cousins to keep in touch and grow up knowing each other, but when she died it all seemed to stop.

Our lives now are so different. I have 1`2 grandchildren and they are scattered around. the world and those that are living in the UK are not just around the corner but a good two hours drive away so we have never had that tradition of them coming to me each week to keep the cousins all in touch and that is a shame too. but society and our lives are all so different now, with mothers in full time careers and dads too, that weekends is just a time for them to catch up with their own children, let alone anyone else's

.I shall remember my cousin as he was when I last met him, a tall blonde boy with lovely golden hair and bright bright blue eyes.... no matter in mature years, he didn't look like that any more, in my mind he will always be that young man with a whole life in front of him.

 At least I can relax knowing that nothing bad will ever happen to him in his future, as he is at rest already.

blogging

well, its aready half way through January and I still have not blogged this year much about anything- when I first started, I had so many thoughts that I wanted to let out of my head, I could manage to write something almost every day, then I got lazier and ran out of ideas- so then I decided to read the other blogs and along the way became a bit discouraged as they all seemed to be so busy doing things around the house, the children or in the kitchen, and I had served my time doing all those things, a very long time ago.

Here it is, the start of another week, and today my youngest son started a new job with a much bigger firm than before... He continues to surprise me all the time. About two years ago after working his way up the ladder at a building supplies firm on a graduate scheme, starting in the wood yard, and becoming a manager of a large outlet.. He decided to try and see if he could actually get out on the road and become a proper salesman. I was anxious as I know how hard that job is, but he sailed on, got big contracts and then was head hunted by a larger firm and leader in the building supplies industry, so he is joining them this very day. I am so amazed how he has taken to real sales, like a duck to water, and of course I am so proud of him and the fact he was right, he does suit that life*

When I was fourteen I would get the evening paper, The Evening Standard, and read all the adverts, imagining what kind of job would suit me and that I would enjoy doing. Of course, it didn't work out like I had planned... I had wanted to be a theatre clothes designer, and carried dreams of going to attend the Slade school of Art. I had friends who would have helped me get in, but financially the family could not afford me going, so I had to start working. I began my work career in a Bank. My father had talked to his friend who was a bank manager, and so I managed to start at his branch at the very bottom of course. I had not stayed on for A levels, and just had my ordinary five passes in GCE. I worked in banking for three banks for the next five years. Always never having enough money as most of it went on the trip into London where my work was. I was always in debt to my parents, and never managed to be able to save... That hasn't changed, I still find it almost impossible to save any money at any time**
Anyway, after the Banking bored me, I went and got a job as assistant to the Accountant at a company that was situated in Pall Mall London. This company worked out the money owed by radio stations all over the world, who by playing the records would have to pay for the privilege and each week the accountant would work out how much each station owed and send an invoice.. This was not as challenging as I had imagined, so after a while I went and found another job, this time in Reception where I answered the phone from people all over the world, as it was a PR company, one that was well known internationally.. From there I joined Ogilvy and Mather which was even more famous and for them I was working as a secretary to the accountant again* Me, a secretary, it took me all day to finish a letter! how they had such patience with me, was astounding as I really was not such a hot shot at being a secretary!  Finally I did find what I was going to do with myself when I joined a Recruitment Company.. At last I was interested and found it challenging each day, in a positive way, where I could help others get their perfect jobs*

I worked in recruitment for almost forty years, and closed my business just two years ago. Now I have retirement to find a way to engage me, and that is why I thought that blogging would be a good outlet.. However as I said, I ran out of words.. so I am going to try in the next few weeks to get some photos done and maybe discover what way I want this blog to go. So, hang on to you hats, as I take off on another great adventure.. I hope... speak again soon..

Birthday Boy

Today my husband of 25 years, turned 70* He is still active, still jogs along outside every day, and keep himself as healthily as he possibly can. He was diagnosed with COPD about five years ago, and has to rely on puffers and pills, but he never gives in to this ailment.. he ploughs on regardless.

 Although since 20, he has never smoked, he grew up over a Pub, as his parents were publicans and had a lot of different addresses as they moved around the area managing the pubs for a Brewery. Of course in those days, smoking was even looked on as helpful for people with a nervous disposition, so smoking took place everywhere, especially in public houses. Living above the pub itself, he was absorbing passive smoking, long before it became known. When he was diagnosed, the doctor told him, that even though he had given up smoking at 20, as  his lungs were still developing, and do so until one is 25, and living above a pub, he had become affected and now his breathing was less affective than it should have been. He was diagnosed with this COPD and without his medication he would find breathing normally almost impossible! Before he had his latest medication, his breathing was so bad that he lacked energy and kept falling asleep and would not go to the doctors, as they had already told him that this illness was incurable and could only get worse...

After much nagging he did go, and they put him on different meds, and his life was given back to him again.  As I said, he has always jogged for the last thirty years, taking part in marathons and long runs, and he was able to resume this practice after a short while on the new meds.. Thank god he went to the doctors, as I am sure he would not have been here today to celebrate his 70th Birthday.

 

We spent the day with his children who treated us out to a lovely lunch, and then tea back at their home, with a special birthday cake with candles on it too! Now we are back home and going to relax on this Saturday evening and chill out again. We have celebrated such a lovely loving happy Christmas with friends and family, we have been very spoiled indeed.

 

I got  him many gifts, not all expensive, but thought out that he would enjoy and appreciate... it very rarely costs a lot to find items that will please him, and by giving him more than one, makes the enjoyment more precious.

 

I was so fortunate to be given a second chance in life and I found him after suffering years of coping with a brilliant minded husband, who used alcohol as a relief crutch and who as my children got older, became harder to cope with. Finally I left after 23 years, and a couple of years later I found my present husband.

 

 How lucky I am that I have been able to be with him for this long.. and now we are both 70, and still have a lot of living to do together. What fun that is going to be, and how much I look forward to it.. Today has been a blessing, and I hope we have many more blessings to receive in the years ahead.